Actually I own this restaurant

Him: Hey
Him: Whatcha doin?
Him: I'm day-drunk
K: What's up?
Him: Nothing. Feel like hanging and watching televisions with me?

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E: Translation: I'm so self-centered I don't even wait for your response first to tell you what I'm doing. Feel like coming over and making out with me, since I'm drunk and won't feel so bad about putting your feelings through my Magic Bullet?

K: He basically asked me to come over and give him a BJ ....thats what that says...."come over and lick my penis for 2 hours...because I've been drinking and it will take that long"...
And I said ..." I can't ... I'm reading sewing patterns"
Yes...I'm DONNEEEEEEEE...I'm over you ...moved on....SUCKER

E:  Awesome, now that you've moved on he's going to want you so hard. You should torture him as much as possible.

K:  From now on...I'm only going to eat Popsicles around him him...and bananas in a single bite! To show him how much he's really missing. Extra low cut tops and short skirts. Maybe bring over some homemade porno's and ask or critiques? Yes.....he's going to RUE the day. Rue the day...what brit came up with that. I wonder if it was a typo..."you're going to ru(l)e the day!" cleopatra said to caesar.

 E: That's the way to do it. Flaunt the titties. Invite him out to dinner and be all, "Actually I own this restaurant," etc.