She goes out dancing with her friends

Sidewalk Driver, Township  @ Brighton Music Hall, Allston, MA (10/1/11)

Soooo I'm at Brighton Music Hall and the place is the most packed I've ever seen it. I mean, realistically, I've only ever seen the place like 5 times, but it's the most packed out of those 5 times, so that's saying something, right? Anyway, I come in during Andrea Gillis' set, but I don't feel like I saw enough of it to make career-making-or-breaking judgments here, so I'll skip right to Sidewalk Driver. I reviewed these dudes' album back in like, 2009, which basically means I'm an expert on their music. I even know some of the words to their songs! These guys seem to have a pretty impressive following, because I see lots of hot chicks dancing around to "She Goes Out Dancing." So thanks to Sidewalk Driver for getting some babes to come out to a metal show, for real. They sound pretty good and I even find myself dancing with my friends a little bit, like the song says. Anyway these dudes are putting on an awesome energetic show and my favorite is when Tad takes off his little top hat. That's when shit starts to get crazy.

If you haven’t seen these guys, you’re missing out on a lot of glitter. See video:

Okay so Sidewalk Driver finishes, and then the room gets all dark and a big screen comes down out of nowhere and there's this completely ridiculous spoof documentary about modern music or something. I don't even know. I went to the bathroom to fix my hair for like 10 minutes and I came back out and this video was still going, and people were starting to be all, "Ugh, less video more rock." Eventually Township complies with the crowd's communal desire for rock by stopping their mockumentary and picking up their instruments. These dudes totally shred with crowd favorites like "Sinister Minister," "Gunning Through the Night," and "Warrior Chief." Like, I'm headbanging so much that I'm pretty sure my neck is going to be sore tomorrow. Also, I don't know what kind of madness comes over everyone, but the crowd actually complies when asked to provide some wolf howls. Awesome. So, in addition to being totally entranced by Mark Pinansky's beard for like an hour, I feel like I have been sufficiently rocked tonight, so I'd say this show was a smashing success.

American Water, The Fatal Flaw, The Appreciation Post

American Water, The Fatal Flaw, The Appreciation Post TT @ The Bear's Place, Cambridge, MA 9/30/11

Even though I actually showed up in time for a band with an earlier set time for once in my goddamn life, I'm going to fast-forward through about 150 words of talking about American Water's set. *fast forwards* Okay, sweet, that was informative and well-written, right? Right then, onto The Fatal Flaw. As we all know, I am a huge fan of these dudes! I am really sad because there are only about 10 people watching the band (almost everyone else is around the bar) and that is lame because The Fatal Flaw is the best! They play all their greatest hits, including "Lord, I'm Bored," "Don't Start Believen," "The Last Cassingle," "California Evergreen," and then they finish up with "Narrow Hours." I know all the words to all the songs, and it looks like the blonde chick in front of me does too, so that's cool. Also, Joel Reader's pants are kinda tight and I think that's a crucial quality in a frontman, just sayin'. ALSO, guitarist Aaron Spransy (I looked up his name on facebook, I'm not THAT big of a fan) is hilarious to watch because he has silly onstage guitar-playing antics, so there's that. Anyway these guys sound awesome and everyone should love them, please and thanks.

So, The Appreciation Post is onstage shortly later, and the number of people inside TT's seems to have approximately quadrupled almost instantly. One thing I like about seeing TAP live is that they use less synth than they do on their recordings, and I absolutely dig the slightly grittier versions of these giddy synth-pop anthems. I'm totally singing along to "I'm No Sure Thing" (sweet trivia fact: the music video for this song was filmed in my hometown. Cool right?) and so is pretty much everyone else in the crowd because TAP is really good and apparently a lot of other people in Boston think so too because here they are at the show singing along, YAY! The end.

Here’s that video I was talking about…

One Night Band 2011

One Night Band  The Middle East Downstairs, Cambridge, MA (9/24/11)

Someone told me about this whole One Night Band thing and I decided to attend, purely based on the event's sweet guitar-pick-condom logo. I arrived in Central Square on a sultry September Saturday night to find a hot, sweaty, crowded Middle Down. I know I say this about like, every show, but really, it was like a Noise Board reunion in here, which is always fun. Plus, eight one-night-bands performed and I don't remember a single one sucking too badly! My favorite bands of the night included Motorboat (Wayne Whittaker, Dave Jarvis, Leesa Coyne, Meff, Rodrigo van Stoli) and Wagon Battle (Mary Flatley, TJ Horn, Chrissy Vaccaro, John Brookhouse, and Daniel McNair), who are not only a one-night-band, but also the inventors of a one-night-genre: "pioneercore." After all eight of the one-night-bands have performed their 3 one-night-songs and 1 cover each, all of the participants get onstage to perform a cover of "Cum on Feel the Noize," which is so bad that it's good. All in all, the whole night is really fun in a warm squishy scene-building kind of way, and it is absolutely a testament to all the impressive talent we have in Boston. I hope Boston Band Crush continues to put on this event, because it was a really great time and even raised some money for a good cause. Plus it got out in time for my friends and I to head around the corner to Heroes afterwards for some new wave dancing madness! yay!

Did I really say that Aloud?

Sarah RabDAU & The Self-Employed Assassins, Aloud @ Great Scott, Allston, MA (9/13/11)

This was the second show I’ve been to since I started this blog, so I thought I’d write about it. So it was a Tuesday and I had to work in the morning but COME ON. I hadn’t seen Aloud since 2007! Also, that guy who looks like Josh Hartnett was there. +1000.

The crowd is, surprisingly, a decent size. I'm a little bit distracted by all the burlesque madness that's going on in between bands. The guy I'm talking to actually says, "It's been great talking to you, but...boobs," a quote which aptly sums up the first hour of this show. Sarah RabDAU is the first band to take the stage, and they sound pretty good, and Sarah's style meshes well with the burlesque theme. Maybe it's the two Strongbows and the Kamikaze shot that I felt it would be prudent to drink, but I don't remember much of Sarah's set-- she sounds great but I couldn't tell you which songs she played.

Aloud goes on 45 minutes late or something ridiculous like that, but it's worth the wait. Have I mentioned that I love Aloud, like a lot? I didn't know they even played out anymore but here we are. In fact, Henry mentions to the crowd that they haven't played since January, but you wouldn't know from listening to them. They sound tight and I'm pretty sure this is the closest one can get to having one's face rocked off by a male/female jointly-fronted rock band on a Tuesday night. These guys (and girl) just have swagger and I'm into it. They're playing mostly newer stuff (aka not much from "Leave Your Light On," which is the best Aloud album in my opinion) and when I call, "GODSPEED!" at the end of the set, the announcer-lady says, "Someone just requested 'Godspeed'...that's like the 'Freebird' of Boston rock!" Well, that is an accurate analogy if I ever heard one.

San Francisco

Seeing the Bay Area has been on my bucket list for a long time, so when the opportunity arose to head out that way, I jumped on it. I stayed at the W, which was fabulous, and there were about 40 people in our group. I drank a lot. I also got to see my old friends Mike and Kasea, and also my step-cousin Lily (hi guys!).

Here are some pictures that sum up the 10 days I was there:

The Bay Bridge

Golden Gate Bridge

Lombard Street, the curviest street in the world

Kasea and I in front of Alcatraz

More Golden Gate

Chinatown

The shampoo at the W made my hair look amazing!

Everyday! Seriously! Need that shampoo.

The Castro. I bought an amazing pair of white cowboy boots here for $12.

My friend Emily and I went on a winery tour in Napa Valley. Amazing!

I went to see my cousin Lily’s boyfriend Jamil play a punk show in a laundromat/bar/breakfast café. AMAZING.

We did some drinking.

Guys, I saw the Full House house!

The group

All in all, it was an amazing time that I will never forget. Thank you Dano!

I want to go somewhere with endangered species on the menu

Him: maybe one of these evenings I can take you out if you can find time between the other boys who must be banging your door down

==========

 E: Hm, how come finding out that I'm newly single elicits an automatic assumption that I want random dudes to take me out? I mean, I do want that, just with guys that don't have stupid faces.

K:  Does he have a stupid face? Also...you aren't a petting zoo horse..he can't stand in line for a turn.

E:  His face is pretty stupid. Also, he has asked me out before. Two points for persistence, I guess? At least he recognizes that I'm a hot commodity.

K:  -3 points for having a stupid face

E:  So he's in the negative, which means I should NOT go on the date. +1 for free meals, though? Eh? Eh?

K: Depends on your strategy for a free meal? Do you have to fake makeout for it? Sing for your supper? Or do you say good night and walk away? Are we talking the sizzler or are we talking Hungry mother?

E:  I want to go somewhere with endangered species on the menu. You're right, even with the +1 for free meals he's still at 0, so I should stay home and eat Ramen.

Did we ever really hang out…or did you look at the back of my head?

Him: soooooooooooooooooooooo..should we ever try to hang out again, or just forget it?

========

E: Did you get that right there? I can read what he wrote, but all I'm seeing is, "You are sick in the head, but I'd still be up for boning you."

K:  maybe you should say " sorry...I was in a horribly mangling accident where I lost my short term memory...who are you? Did we ever really hang out...or did you look at the back of my head?"

 E: Maybe I should act awkwardly and run out on my dates after a half hour with a bad excuse every time, because clearly my back left a strong impression on this guy.

E:  I mean, him telling me he was naked the other day totally caused me to have a complete change of heart. Because that happens all the time.

Play with his joystick perhaps?

HIM: "I thought you might like to know that I'm naked right now."

========

 E: oh, wow, thanks for the update! I'm in my car already driving to your house. This tactic works so well on women!

K:  also...same guy that wrote " So thank you, it's been a long time since I've seen someone that desperate to get out of my house"..how'd he know you were watching him sleep with your night vision binoculars just hoping...no...praying... to see him get naked...

 E: I get naked like 3 times a day and I don't text message anyone about it!

 K: maybe you should..I'd like to know. Also, really? 3 times a day? What are you doing for that MIDDLE nakedness?

E: Shower, gym clothes, pajamas. Those are my 3 naked times. I wonder which one this guy was on when he texted me? Or is he one of those weird people who plays xbox naked and then texts innocent women?

K: Play with his joystick perhaps?

E:  *cries* why can't guys that I want to see naked send me texts like this? Why is it always dudes with scary apartments with random locked doors?

 K: I just got back from a meeting with a "how to avoid being a rape victim" safety moment..and I thought of you!

 E: I wonder if this guy has a van and candy and Lovely Bones glasses, or if he's just really desperate to get laid? Maybe my back is the most he's seen of a woman in a while? Maybe he's a really nice guy who just wants to buy me dinner?

K: maybe he's not just faking handicapped so that you help him into his van where he injects you with a horse tranquilizer and you wake up in a hole in the basement where he is telling you "rubs they lotion on the skin" and makes a skin coat out of your behind.

E:  Really dude? I'm never going on a date again. Thanks.

 K: your parents should have had me give you that talk before you lost your v-card

E:  Do you have any idea how much trouble (and cryptic text messages) that would have saved me?

Textimation

 

The text:

Him: So thank you, it's been a long time since I've seen someone that desperate to get out of my house.
E: You're right, I'm mentally unstable and shouldn't have come at all.
Him: I would agree with that. At any rate, having had a great view of your back for 20 minutes, your back looks nice.

K: eeeekkk, 1) confrontational much!?! you are only supposed to analyze this with friends not to the person who ditched you
2) why is he staring at your back? did he follow you home in his car without the headlights on?

E: Did you get that right there? Apparently my date on Saturday went a lot worse than I thought it did. He was staring at my back because he didn't have any proper furniture and I had to sit facing that way! No wonder I couldn't wait to get out of there! But, good thing I have an attractive back, for a mentally unstable person at least.

K: What, were you watching a movie in the penis ...not balls seating position? I dont understand??? Also why were you late...were you creepy driveby stalking?

E: I was late because I went to dinner with Dan! The nightvision binoculars didn't come out until after the terrible date. Back to the text. I'm pretty sure he's just being a dick.

K: also...what he really said was " you can treat me like shit...yet i'd still do ya" god...the ones we treat like shit ..want us ..and the ones we are nice to..don't ...men are fucked up

E:  I don't think he'd still do me. He definitely thinks I'm cray-cray. The whole thing was a complex scheme to make me feel like shit for not making out with him.

 K: maybe he's taking you down a few pegs to make you feel like dirt so you feel like you have no other options but to bang him...maybe because we are fucked up? SOMEONE IN THIS SCENARIO IS FUCKED UP!

Actually I own this restaurant

Him: Hey
Him: Whatcha doin?
Him: I'm day-drunk
K: What's up?
Him: Nothing. Feel like hanging and watching televisions with me?

=====

E: Translation: I'm so self-centered I don't even wait for your response first to tell you what I'm doing. Feel like coming over and making out with me, since I'm drunk and won't feel so bad about putting your feelings through my Magic Bullet?

K: He basically asked me to come over and give him a BJ ....thats what that says...."come over and lick my penis for 2 hours...because I've been drinking and it will take that long"...
And I said ..." I can't ... I'm reading sewing patterns"
Yes...I'm DONNEEEEEEEE...I'm over you ...moved on....SUCKER

E:  Awesome, now that you've moved on he's going to want you so hard. You should torture him as much as possible.

K:  From now on...I'm only going to eat Popsicles around him him...and bananas in a single bite! To show him how much he's really missing. Extra low cut tops and short skirts. Maybe bring over some homemade porno's and ask or critiques? Yes.....he's going to RUE the day. Rue the day...what brit came up with that. I wonder if it was a typo..."you're going to ru(l)e the day!" cleopatra said to caesar.

 E: That's the way to do it. Flaunt the titties. Invite him out to dinner and be all, "Actually I own this restaurant," etc.

Kick that junk baby

HIM: "I just watched "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" in its entirety and I didn't hate it. What is happening to me?!?"
K: "did you find your penis is shrinking into your vagina?"

========

K:  Take that ...what I really said was " I'm over you ...you pansy"

E:  Nice! I see what you did there. The rock-throwing, hair-pulling, chase-you-on-the-playground method.

K:  I was more going for rock-throwing, hair-pulling, junk kicking...less chase method...but hey...whatever works!

E:  Kick that junk baby! I mean, what response did he expect to elicit? "Oh baby, you're so sensitive, how are my pants still on?"

Where is Dan Brown when you need him?

HIM: "we should blow off the rest of the work day"
E: "what would we do?"
HIM: "I'll go back to sleep, you can do whatever you want"

K: what he means is .."I'm king of the douches...all hail to me and my combover...I will sleep while you sprinkle me with Rogain"

E:  hahahahaha. I mean, seriously, why doesn't he JUST say that he HATES ME and I'm STUPID instead of being so subtly mean!?

K: maybe there is a secret encrypted message that I’m just not getting...where is Dan Brown when you need him!?!?

E:  There's no message, other than "I just invited you to lunch to tell you I hate you because you are a cripple."

K: He can laugh now! but you are riding cowboys again! ( i mean horses) YOU will be laughing my friend

Textimation

HIM: how much do you hate me 1-10 right now
E: 8
HIM: hm
ok
well, i didn't do anything wrong so
alright
E: Wait maybe I mean 2
HIM: also now that im sitting still i feel the beers...

K:  OHHHH....soo much to break down…I feel like I need an MTV news special. Is he facebook chatting with you from his car?!!?! I feel like you only do that when you are crushin' Right? like what is the immediate urgency to have this FACEBOOK conversation. Also..what happened to texting/sexting ...I miss the good ole' days

K: Can we also throw him a pity party complete with streamers of tears and balloons of anguish? "you will ...eventually" hate him? Well if he is going to be whiny like that ...I will hate him for you!

E: I think he was already home. I was FB chatting from my phone though, which was nervewracking! What if I lose service and he thinks that I really h8 him? Also why did he suddenly have to "go"? Was his mom yelling at him to turn off the computer and go to bed? Him opening the conversation with "How much do you hate me" implies that he felt guilty for not hanging out with me (whether or not I was actually upset), so why does he feel an obligation to hang with me? And WHY, oh WHY, did he say that I will hate him "eventually"? I want to zap him with my lightning trident.

 K: Did you send him a grimacing stare that pierced through his heart like a buffy the vampire slayer when you left his car?

E:  No, I said "Nice meeting you!" to his roommate who was in the back of the car and then sexily sashay-limped out of the car with my almost empty six-pack.

 K: Oh..someone else was in the car? Why does he think you would have expected him to hang out (at not your home) when someone else was in the car? I mean...unless he's into that (not judgment..more jealousy...get it).

E:  also, he had told me like 5 times he was exhausted and going to bed, so. I don't even... I mean, HE DENIED that he is "weird" when I called him out on it, so I must be crazy, right?

 K: he's got low self-esteem baby...(also you "baby" 'd him)...I’m sure he doesn’t want you to think anything bad about him. Forty was like, “He has a hipster combover to hide the fact that it’s a real comb over" ....BURN.....

E: hahaha that is kind of mean. Mean but true.

Textanalysis

 

(while standing 3 feet away from each other)

Him: Sup shawty

K: Maybe he wanted you to knock boots (get it because you weren't wearing yours) in his van. Hey kid...I've got a dog and candy just inside the van

E: Maybe he was channeling his inner white rapper and didn't know how else to initiate flirting since I looked so hot.

K:  maybe he didn't know how to handle your radiance and couldn't look dead on like a solar eclipse....so he used his cell phone text like a pinhole projection method.

E: I'm pretty sure he was just letting me know he was interested. That's why he didn't want to hang out afterwards at all...

K:  Maybe next he'll pull your hair and chase you around the playground...i mean there was 4 square at the fest..it was like hipster version of my 3rd grade. Ahhh..brendan gilpatrick...how i loved thee...

E: come on, 3rd graders don't have iphones! I think he wanted me to come hang out with him instead of talking to the girl I was talking to. Maybe? Right?

K: was the girl you were talking to me ? Does that Douche not like me! Mother Effin' Doucher!

E: Nooo, I was talking to that Shannon girl! But it seems like that doucher doesn't like anyone, so.

New Color

HARRIS, TAXPAYER, THE FATAL FLAW, THE YOUNG LEAVES  Brighton Music Hall, Allston, MA (7/22/11)

Someone took this sweet video of "Carousel." There are also a bunch of other videos from the show on his youtube page, which is awesome.

Please forgive me if this review is less a review and more a gushing tribute to some of my favorite local bands. I got here just after The Young Leaves finished playing, and I'm bummed I missed them, but on the plus side, The Fatal Flaw is just getting started. They play a bunch of songs from their new album, which I hadn't heard before. I think they sound really good, but the crowd is still trickling in. The crowd that is here, though, seems to be liking what they're hearing. Unfortunately I'm stuck by the bar with a broken ankle, so it feels a bit like watching Scrooge eat his Christmas dinner from outside in the cold.

As Taxpayer gets onstage it occurs to me that this show is pretty much a Noise Board reunion. At this point I'm a few tallboys in and Taxpayer is sounding great. The crowd is into them but I'm having a hard time paying attention. A wayward tumbleweed of a thought rolls through my brain: Taxpayer is what it would sound like if The Fatal Flaw had a baby with Harris. Hmm. What are the odds they'd all be playing the same show together!? 

Then Harris is onstage and people are cheering almost constantly. It's not a huge crowd, but it's a decent-sized crowd of Harris die-hards, so it's hard to not get completely caught up in the energy in the room. The crowd is singing along to every song; the "dah dah dah dah dah...whoooa ohhhhs" keep going for a solid three minutes after the band finishes playing "Captain," which is an 8-minute song on its own. There are a group of 5 or 6 guys in the crowd with their arms around each other, standing in a circle and singing along. Harris blows me away every time I see them and tonight is no exception. The band is so intense about what they're doing and rocking out so hard. They are the rare band that is better live than recorded, and everyone, the band included, seems like they've been completely swept up in the moment. Harris closes the night with "New Color," and people are screaming the words at this point. I think everyone is feeling nostalgic. It's like the last day of college-- sure, you'll keep in touch, but you can never go back; we might never all be together again. I leave Brighton Music Hall feeling a little tipsy, and more than a little sad that we might never see Harris play again.

Because I have so much free time…

Hai guys! I decided to start a blog:

a) I do a lot of cool stuff that I should write about!

b) I like writing about music, and I listen to a lot of music and go to a lot of shows, so I thought it’d be cool to write about that sometimes, especially since I have absolutely zero credentials or musical talent of my own. Writing for The Noise for the past 5 years qualifies me to have an opinion on stuff, right?

c) Now when people are all, “What’s new?”,  I can be like, “Ugh, just read my blog.”

So there you have it. I’m startin’ a blog for two people to read.