Literally

Him: What's up
Me: Nothing, what's up with you?
Him: Went to jail earlier today. Public intox
Me: Classy
Him: a couple times I was physically thrown out
I got black out drunk got kicked out of every bar on broadway literally
Him: It sucked too cause one time it wasnt my fault I bumped into some dude
and he was like me and all my friends are gonna beat the shit out of you
so I just started punching all of them as hard as I could before they could jump me
then I got thrown out
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E - Is it wrong that I'm most fixated on his use of the word "literally"? Why do people use that shit incorrectly ALL THE TIME?
k - Because he wants you to think HE is literally like Jesus Christ! Come on E...didn't that happen in the bible!?!?!
k - Why is he telling you this? Does he want you to be like "Oh..wow…your weiner must be so huge!!!! Clearly if you are drunk in the day, it must be to relieve the fact that you have to DRAG your penis as you walk"
E - Hey! Let's not forget the fact that it wasn't his fault! Take me now, I love drunken buffoons...I wish he would have called me to bail him out!